Flashbacks and heart ache
by DuringMyDarkestHour
Summary: Morgan and Garcia are head over heels in love with each other, but both end up hurting each other rather than admitting their true feelings. Rated M for a reason.
1. It hurts to love you

**I know I'm in the middle of a Morgan/Garcia story, but this one just hit me, and I needed to write.**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds or their characters.**

Penelope's heart began to ache as she saw Derek walking down the corridor with his new girlfriend, and by new she meant extremely new, as in the last 24 hours new. It was only the week before that Derek had broken up with Tamara over a petty fight. Not that Penelope was complaining, she had hated Tamara Barnes from the moment she met her, the solitary reason for that being the fact that she was stealing her man. Well, 'her' man was one way to put it.

Penelope loathed the skinny blonde haired woman who was now wrapped in Derek's arms, the way he used to hold her, to say that she missed the feeling of being in Derek's arms was an understatement , he hadn't even tried to make any contact with her in two months, not even eye contact during briefings, and she felt like she was responsible for it, yet still blamed him...

(Two Months Before)

_''Hey baby girl,'' a familiar voice sounded from behind Penelope's chair, she eagerly swung herself around and attempted to reply with ''Hey hot stu-'' but was interrupted by Tamara, ''umm..Baby girl?'' she gave Derek an expression that made him see she wasn't pleased. Quickly Derek tried to cover up what he'd said but couldn't think of the right words to describe his flirtatious banter with Penelope, he'd never even imagined that he would have to. It became so common to both of them it didn't really feel like it was something that needed an explanation._

_Penelope's eyes trailed up to meet Derek's and she didn't like the expression that was written all over them. ''Tamara, could you wait in my office for me baby?'' Tamara nodded her agreement and gave Derek a quick kiss on the lips, Penelope just shot evil glances at her without letting Derek see._

_''Penelope, I... umm, Tamara isn't too keen on the flirting between us and.'' Derek sighed. ''Who cares what she thinks? She's just a waste of space anyway.'' Penelope didn't mean to snap at Derek but she really did think Tamara was a waste of space._

_Almost instantly Derek's eyes became sharp, unlike his normal loving, kind, caring eyes, that Penelope deeply admired. He opened his mouth to carry on with his sentence that Penelope had so rudely interrupted, and was yet interrupted again! ''I mean, she comes in here fawning all over you, stops our movie nights, breaks most of our contact and now she wants a little bit of harmless banter to stop?... she's not a princess Derek, she can't always have her own way!'' The rage was building up inside of Penelope, but at the same time this new fierce look Derek was shining her way was turning her on._

_''For your information woman, you're pathetic excuse for a boyfriend stopped our movie nights a long time ago, and as far as contact goes I call you just about every time I'm not busy working my ass off on a case, so you really need to consider who's fault all of that is and stop blaming Tamara..'' Derek turned and faced the wall leaning his arm against it. Penelope was just about to reply when Derek shot around and pretty much screamed in her face ''God woman you're so full of shit, what else have you blamed Tamara for huh?'' Derek looked seriously into Penelope's eyes, he knew that this anger was only brought on when he mentioned her boyfriend, he hated himself for ever letting Lynch get in the way of them and he swore to himself it would be him in her bed one day._

_They both stood in silence looking into each other's eyes for what seemed like all eternity, how Derek just wanted to grab her, kiss her rosy red lips and make sweet love to her all night, so much that by the morning she wouldn't be able to walk. What he didn't know is that's exactly what she wanted him to do. But instead she fought back ''How dare you even try to blame this on Kevin! He is everything you will never be Derek Morgan, he is kind, compassionate, loving, caring and damn right treats me how a women should be treated, and you Morgan have crossed the line in our friendship for even trying to blame him... so I hear by declare this friendship terminated, you ass!''_

_Derek stood still not having any words to respond with other than ''fine!'' before he walked out of her lair slamming the door shut behind him._

XXXXX

Penelope decided not to think about the situation anymore and instead drowned out their laughter and kissing noises by slamming her door shut. She enveloped in her privacy and drowned in the thoughts of what happened the previous night, tears burned in the back of her eyes as she tried to hold them back, wanting to keep her cool at work and especially around Derek, but the painful feelings were emerging on the surfaces from what she had witnessed the night before.

(Last Night)

_Penelope was sat in her front room watching her regular cartoon shows with a bowl of ice cream, dressed in her hello kitty pyjamas and her bunny slippers and then she heard her phone ring, she paused her television show and paced into her bedroom to pick up her phone. ''PG here'' she said. ''Penelope, have you seen Morgan?, he's not answering his phone I'm worried..'' She scoffed, why should she care where Derek was, not wanting to let JJ know something was up she decided to calmly answer with ''No, I haven't spoken to him.'' JJ sighed on the other side of the line._

_''You said you were worried? Why?'' Penelope asked with a concerned change of tone, as much as she hated to admit at this present time, Derek would always mean something to her and she couldn't bare losing him. ''He didn't tell you?'' JJ asked confused ''Tell me what?'' Penelope answered. ''Tamara broke up with him last week, and well he's not taking it to well, he's been in the bar every night but he's not there tonight, we checked.'' Penelope's face lit up, he had actually finished with Tamara? Her breathing became heavier ''Got to go JJ, talk later?'' JJ shouted ''got to go where?'' Penelope hurriedly replied with ''Derek's duh..'' and with that she hung up the phone and immediately got dressed._

_Penelope was sure her heart was about to beat right out of her chest as she approached Derek's front door for the first time in two months, maybe even longer. As she got closer she noticed that the door was open, her mind was telling her to go home, or get help and prepare for the worst but her heart was telling her to go and get her man, she pushed the door open carefully, trying not to make a sound in case someone was inside._

_There were no lights on and Penelope was terrified, she checked every room and couldn't find him, eventually she made her way upstairs, and she heard heavy breathing coming from Derek's room, she crept along the hallway and peered through the crack in the door only to have her worst nightmares confirmed. ''Oh baby girl, mmm... oh goddess.'' Derek was pumping his length into yet another whore. Penelope tried not to make a sound yet she wanted to burst into tears right there and then, she made her way out of his house and didn't make it to Esther before she collapsed on the floor crying her heart out._

XXXX

Now that Penelope had managed to contain herself, she really thought back to what she had seen and heard, and realized that whoever Derek was fucking he was also calling her nicknames! She wasn't sure whether she wanted to cry or throw something at this moment, so she did both.

Meanwhile Derek said goodbye to this girl, who was in Penelope's mind his 'new girlfriend' but in reality she was just an old high school friend who Derek happened to think resembled Penelope, well except for her plump, round ass, and her beautiful curves, and the bubbly personality. In fact, Derek had only had sex with her to cover his ache.

''Derek!'' a shockingly concerned JJ gasped from down the corridor. ''What's up Jayje?'' he had a puzzled expression on his face. ''Where were you last night? I was worried.'' Derek smirked at her, and looked pleased with himself, ''at home, where else?'' JJ tried to process the information ''No, you couldn't off been. Penelope went to check your house, she said the door was open but you weren't there.'' Derek felt his heart snap into two yet again by his baby girl. His instincts were right, it wasn't Clooney in the hallway, and it was none other than his Penelope, watching him make love to another woman. Derek ran down the hallway and began to knock on Penelope's door.


	2. The phone call that changed everything

**I'm not too sure whether to stick with my first chapter or re-do it... let me know what you guys think?**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds or their characters.**

Derek's heart was crushed at the thought that Penelope had come to find him, worried about him and only found him in bed with some woman he couldn't even remember the name of. Derek stood in the doorway to Penelope's lair and firstly noticed the smashed photograph frame on the floor; he walked over to the mess and picked up the photo that was hidden underneath. It was of him and Penelope summer 2008.

Derek stood there for a few moments smiling at the photo before a vicious Garcia approached the doorway, she quickly saw that Derek had the photo and her first instinct was to walk away. She had no reason to snap like she wanted to, what was she supposed to say if she did? That she'd seen him with some whore in bed and that it should have been her? Hell no! She didn't dare, their friendship was already on the line, or over it... she couldn't risk scaring him away for good.

She quickened her pace back down the corridor when she heard Derek's footsteps behind her, she was beginning to feel nauseas at the thought of speaking to him after two months, and from what she had witnessed the night before. ''Garcia'' he called out, she just kept on walking, he tried again ''Penelope'' still no answer, he managed to catch up with her, he grabbed her by the arm swung her around and said ''Baby girl'' nope that was it, she was going to be sick right in front of him, she couldn't bear to be called that pet name anymore, not after he called some skinny bitch it last night.

She pulled herself away just in time and darted into the nearest bathroom, only to have Derek 5 steps behind her the entire way there. When she finally came up for air she shouted ''Go away Morgan.'' Could his heart sink any deeper? He waited nonetheless outside the bathroom, not going without putting up a fight first.

As Penelope walked out of the bathroom, she walked straight into Derek without realizing. She sighed loudly ''I've already told you to go away once Morgan, I don't want to talk to you.'' She felt sick again, deep in the pit of her stomach, she knew she was lying she had been desperate to talk to him since the moment he left her office that day two months ago. ''Then don't talk, listen?'' Penelope turned around.

She tried to walk off but Derek grabbed her forcefully by the arm trying not to hurt her, ''MORGAN! Get off me!'' she shouted raising awareness. He quickly pulled her into his office and motioned for her to sit down. ''Please angel, hear me out?'' Penelope rolled her eyes, before sitting down; she knew she couldn't resist him when he used that caring tone of voice with her. Derek coughed trying to find the right words to say.

''Baby, Jayje told me you were at my place last night, and I... umm'' God he felt like an idiot, he was sat here trying to explain why he was having sex last night with another woman and all he wanted to do was make her feel better. ''How much did you see and hear?'' he asked biting his bottom lip nervously. She tried not to have flashbacks of the previous night enter her mind so she could try and contain her sadness ''enough to know I shouldn't of even been there in the first place.'' She honestly answered.

Derek's head fell into his hands, he just wanted to hold her tight and apologize, ''baby girl I can-'' Derek was cut off by Penelope's snide comment. ''I'm not your baby girl, apparently everyone is your baby girl lately.'' Derek didn't quite get what she was saying, but understood nonetheless that she was pissed at him still. ''I'm sorry baby, I really am.'' Penelope stood up ready to take her leave and replied with ''Why are you sorry for having sex? Do you really think it actually bothered me? You're the same person you were two months ago Derek, always fucking a complete stranger every night. I grew to live with it, why should it be any different now, go have sex with your next baby girl, see if I care?'' Penelope snapped as she walked out of his office. Derek forcefully punched his wall.

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About ten minutes had passed since the two of them had spoken and Penelope was already dry out of tears, of course she cared that he was with another woman every night, she couldn't exactly tell him though. Derek on the other hand had slumped into his chair and tried to understand what she had meant when she said 'go have sex with your next baby girl.' But it all came crashing down as he smacked his head against his desk ''no, no, no'' he moaned out.

Penelope had never been so wrong in her life, she actually believed Derek called his sexual partners baby girl, because it was his 'thing' but in reality she couldn't off been so far off. The realisation hit him hard as he understood Penelope heard him moaning out the words 'baby girl' to his high school friend, it must of broke her heart he thought. And he was right.

Derek wanted so much to go back into her office and explain how he only called these women 'baby girl' because it was her that he was picturing beneath him, but he couldn't do that without admitting his true feelings, and well his stubbornness would never let him do such a thing.

XXXXX

It was 9pm and Derek sat at home frustrated and annoyed at himself, he couldn't hold back any longer he needed his best friend back... he reached into his pocket and began to go through his and Penelope's old text messages, a grin appeared on his face as he read her flirtatious words. He scanned down his contact list and came across the name 'baby girl' he brought the phone up to his mouth wondering if he should hit dial. He knew in his heart if he could do this now, and overcome his stubbornness that one day he could do the same and tell her how he really felt.

His heart began to race as he held the phone against his ear, he prayed that Penelope would pick up, ''Hello'' a voice said on the other side of the conversation, ''Baby gi-... P'' Derek said as he felt his heart warm. He hoped she would say the next few words but jumped to keep the conversation going when she didn't. ''Penelope, I erh, can you come over? I really think we should talk... properly, and I..'' Penelope interrupted, ''I'm already outside your door.'' Derek breathed heavily and ran for the door, he opened it and saw Penelope stood there.

Penelope froze, this was a bad idea she thought to herself... but she smiled when Derek opened his arms to her. She willingly went in for the hug she had been desiring for the last two months, Derek pulled her close, smelling her apple scented hair and he vowed in that moment he would never let her go again.


	3. Dirty panties, and Butts

**I'm so sorry that I haven't updated sooner, but things have been pretty hectic in my life so, without further a due chapter 3;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

Derek noticed that they had been standing there in a trance for about three minutes now, and the door was wide open but he couldn't let his baby girl out of his arms, not ever again. Penelope must have realized the situation too because with minor hesitation she pulled herself out of Derek's arms and just looked him in the eyes. She longed for him to bend down and kiss her, caress her and love her, but she new in her heart that would never happen.

''P... we really do need to talk, about well... a lot of things, and I erm I just, what I'm trying to say is.. I want my best friend back.'' Derek wanted so badly to hit himself over and over, why couldn't he just admit his feelings? ''I want that too'' Penelope replied with a look of true happiness in her eyes, what Derek couldn't see though was her heart shattering into a million pieces of being 'just friends' again.

Derek walked back into his apartment motioning for Penelope to come in, she looked around at all of his belongings but the one thing that caught her attention was the pair of dirty panties on the floor she gulped before blurting out something random that had Derek in stitches '' 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts'' she immediately realized what she had said and Derek just smiled ''I thought only Reid knew that stuff'' She laughed at herself, ''Oi, Reid may have a high IQ but when it comes to butts I know everything.'' Dammit! She'd done it again, heck no, she didn't know anything about butts except for how toned, and perfect Derek's was. Derek smirked, ''Oh yeah? We may just have to find out how much you know'' Penelope let out a faint sigh of relief; she had her hot stuff back.

XXXXX

About a week later the team had been called out on a case and Penelope was sat in her office bored and all of a sudden her phone began to ring she answered hoping it would be Derek, she wanted to hear his voice, and her heart began to race again as Derek spoke the words ''Hey mama, I need you to run a background check for me on-'' Penelope cut him off ''On Anthony Miller? I've already got the results right here hot stuff.'' Derek chuckled, ''wow baby, you're always one step ahead of me.'' Penelope spoke in a sexy tone ''Don't you forget it My vision.'' She then began to read Derek the results before hanging up the phone.

Penelope still wouldn't allow Derek to call her baby girl after what she had seen, and heard but there old regular banter continued otherwise, but it was odd for him to answer the phone and not call her by her number one name.

Just two hours later Derek had called to say that the case was over and that they would be back at the BAU by 7:00pm, the team had decided that they should go out for drinks putting aside how tired they were, this case had ended with great results and no one was injured. Penelope rushed around trying to make herself as attractive as possible hoping that even though he wouldn't act on it, maybe Derek could notice it for once. She ended up with her hair down knowing that is how Derek preferred it, and she put on a black dress that held her cleavage higher up on her chest. It was

At 7:15 Penelope got a knock on her door her heart pumped blood ten times faster than usual, or so she thought as she reached for the door. When she finally opened the door, stood there was a mouth watering Derek Morgan wearing a dark blue shirt with the top three buttons undone, she froze in her spot not knowing what was going on until Derek said ''Damn baby, you're killing me in that dress.'' She winked at him and replied with ''I dress to impress Derek Morgan.'' Derek nodded his head in agreement and said, ''Yes you do, you ready to go?'' She nodded back at him and they went to meet the others.

XXXXX

Derek wasn't his normal self tonight in the club, instead of flirting with whatever skinny thing that walked by he decided to sit with Penelope and flirt a lot more than usual with her. She wasn't complaining though, she loved the fact she didn't have to watch him drool over some bimbo. He reached his arm around her and thought to himself 'I'm going to make my move tonight.' Before shooting a glance at Reid who was beginning to understand Derek's movements.

Everyone smiled among themselves as Penelope and Derek enjoyed the night, they all knew that Derek loved her, even though he wouldn't admit it, and it was pretty obvious to the entire World how Penelope felt... well the entire world minus one, Derek was as blind as a bat when it came to Penelope. A song came on that Derek absolutely loved and he couldn't help but want to dance, not wanting to ruin his chance with Penelope he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the dance floor with him.

As soon as the two of them were on the dance floor laughing and having fun together, the team decided to discuss how Derek and Penelope were destined to be together. ''He loves her back you know'' Reid smartly said, the others gave him a stupid look. Before JJ hit him on the arm... ''We know, I think everyone but you knew Reid, it's about time you figured it out.'' Reid looked puzzled.

Derek pulled his baby girl close and started to dance even more wildly with her, before a rude woman cut in. Not a minute had passed and Penelope was out of the picture, Derek tried to get away from this girl but she insisted on a dance with him. Trying not to be rude he decided to dance with her for one song but before he could pull back at the end of the song she grabbed his face and started trying to thrust her tongue down his throat.

Penelope felt like she had been stabbed a thousand times, she watched as the kiss lasted and lasted, little did she know that Derek wasn't kissing back, well she didn't even give him a chance to pull away before she shot out of the door. Derek finally managed to pry the girl off of him and ran out of the door after Penelope.

By the time he got to her she was half way down the street, ''Sweetness, why are you running away?'' Penelope stood still and turned to face him.

''Because I want to go home? But its fine you go and shove your tongue down another woman's throat like you always do you pig.'' Derek couldn't help but feel saddened by her words, he knew he'd upset her, ''It wasn't like that! She kissed me, I pulled back, what do you care anyway?'' Penelope cried softly, ''You've hurt me in the one way you could never imagine.'' Derek reached for her face to wipe the tears but Penelope pushed his hand away. ''Just go find another tart Derek, I don't want to be around you!'' Derek could feel the anger, not with her but with himself, had she really thought of him like this? Was he really that bad?

Derek shook his head and decided it was for the best if he just walked away, he couldn't hurt her that way, he started going for the entrance of the club to slam down another drink but before he could reach the door Penelope called out ''DEREK'' Derek turned to see Penelope standing there all alone, that was it for him, he couldn't wait any longer.

He rushed over to her, picked her up and clamped his mouth over hers, the kiss lasted and lasted and lasted, they both died with happiness inside, Derek traced across Penelope's bottom lip with his tongue waiting for access, and she gave it to him willingly. When the kiss finally ended Derek stared into her loving eyes lowering her to the ground, ''I love you baby girl.''


	4. Complications

**I'm not too sure if I should keep this story going, should I try and do something else? Anyway here's chapter 4;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

Penelope was in a World of her own, that kiss had sent shivers through her entire body, it felt so good and so right, it was so much better than she had ever predicted. She focused her gaze back on Derek and snapped out of her little dream world when she was eagerly greeted with another life altering kiss from Derek.

She kissed back trying not to hesitate, but she knew it was wrong, Derek moved his hand onto her leg and began moving up her thigh, that was enough for Penelope, she jumped back giving Derek a sorry glare, she knew if she didn't do this she would end up in bed with him, and she was not prepared to be Derek's usual 'one night stand' and she couldn't cheat on Kevin! She wasn't like that.

''What is it angel?'' Derek asked confused, her kisses were so eager and so thrilling she couldn't have possibly changed her mind? Or could she? ''W-we can't do this Derek, not now, not ever.'' She could tell that Derek was disappointed, by the look on his face. ''Of course we can, I want to make love to you Penelope, I've always wanted to.'' Penelope was dazed; he couldn't possibly mean what he was saying... ''I want to make love to you forever, I want to wake up in the morning with you beside me, I want to hold you in my arms and claim you as mine.'' Derek went on and on. Penelope snapped back ''I'm dating Kevin, it would be wrong, and you damn well know it! Plus, I'd just be another one night thing and you'd soon go back to your normal life, I can't lose my best friend again Derek, I can't.''

With that Penelope burst into tears, she had wanted Derek since she had met him, and he was offering himself to her freely and she had turned him down, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of having one night with her and then trying to be friends again, she knew if she did this she couldn't go back, plus poor Kevin, she would break his heart. ''Baby, do you honestly believe I'd make you a onetime thing?'' He pulled her close holding her to his chest, cradling her as she cried. ''You do it with everyone else, why would I be any different?'' she cried. He couldn't believe what a reputation he had given himself, it used to make him proud to know he could have any girl he wanted, but now the only one he has eyes for is rejecting him because of his actions.

He looked at her deep in the eyes and said ''Are you crazy woman? I've loved you for 7 years Penelope, you're the only one I want, not Tamara, not some random woman... just you, it's always been you.'' He tried his best to assure her, she sniffled and looked up, ''I love you too Derek, I just can't go through anymore pain right now, I need you to promise me that this won't ruin our friendship...'' Derek caressed her face, just like she had always wanted before carefully brushing his lips against hers, ''I promise you baby girl.'' And with that all said and done, the night had only just begun for these two as they headed back to Penelope's.

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When they arrived at Penelope's, it wasn't even five minutes before they had ended up in bed together, Penelope's mind drifted to Kevin a few times through guilt, but tried her best to forget. Derek took his time with her, touching, kissing and exploring all of her body, making her quiver countless times before finally, none of them could wait any longer, he began to thrust himself into her, slowly at first so that she could get used to him. But not long after they picked up the pace, Penelope and Derek were both close to their release, he held on as long as possible but as he felt her walls clamping in around him, she threw her head back moaning out his name, which was also cue for ''I'm ready, let go.'' And he followed her orders spraying his release into her.

He collapsed beside her and she smiled at him, the look of satisfaction and true love came across her eyes, Derek kissed her on the head and pulled her close, their bodies entwined as they fell asleep in each other's arms for the first time.

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Morning soon arrived and as promised, Derek Morgan was there right beside her when her eyes fluttered open at the sign of daylight, ''Morning baby girl'' Derek said smiling, she still thought about what she had heard that one night she walked in on him and a look of sadness came over her eyes, Derek noticed and questioned her ''You're regretting last night aren't you?'' he said nodding his head understanding how she felt. Penelope sat up in his arms, ''No, not at all, it's just that...'' Derek was relieved to know she hadn't began to regret anything but said ''Just what sweetness?'' Penelope bit her lip, she didn't want to lose him over something so foolish, it was just a nickname at the end of the day.

She tried not to bring it up, but had to, she needed to know why, she sighed, closed her eyes and said ''When I walked in on you and, erh... well anyway I heard you talking to her.'' Derek felt sick, he didn't want Penelope to remember any of that but carried on the conversation, ''What did you hear baby?'' Penelope looked at him, ''You called her baby girl, and Goddess, I know it's none of my business but I just, don't feel comfortable being called those anymore.'' She said all she had to say and looked down. ''Penelope, you're my only baby girl you know that, and you are one hell of a Goddess, I, well... I called her those things because, you're the only girl I picture when I'm having sex, and I guess I got carried away in my fantasy.'' He admitted, feeling guilty. Penelope was ecstatic at his words, and they ended up having morning sex before they got called into work.

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Two weeks had passed since Penelope and Derek began 'secretly' dating, of course the entire team knew but they didn't bring it up, they wanted to have as much fun with it as possible before they finally admitted their relationship. And in that time Penelope had plucked up the courage to break up with Kevin, he didn't seem to bothered, which actually made Penelope question whether he had ever loved her or not, but she didn't care too much, she had her hot stuff now.

Derek was sat in his office doing some paperwork when he looked at the clock and decided it was lunch time, he wanted to spend lunch with Penelope, he tried to spend as much time as he could with her now and got up to go and see if she wanted to come with him for food somewhere quiet. As he got closer to her office, his phone began to ring, he looked and there was no caller ID so he answered ''Hello'' he said questioningly, ''Derek, its Tamara... we need to talk.'' Derek shook his head ''No, I don't want to talk.'' He was about to hang up the phone when Tamara shouted ''I'm pregnant, and it's yours.''


	5. That wasn't the case

**I hope you enjoy this next chapter, a few of you have guessed what will happen and I can tell you; one of you is pretty damn close; may do two chapters today, got spare time;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds or their characters;**

Derek didn't answer Tamara, he was in too much shock, he closed his eyes and sighed he knew this particular conversation wasn't going to end well, ''Derek, will you come to mine please?'' Tamara begged on the other side of the line. Derek opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. ''Baby please, I need your help'' That was it, Derek snapped! ''First of all I'm not your baby, and second of all, that thing inside of you is NOT my baby!'' Derek hung up the phone not giving Tamara a chance to reply, he leaned against the wall and got frustrated, that baby couldn't possibly be his, could it?

Penelope heard raised voices outside of her office and opened the door to see Derek standing against the wall, looking all frustrated and angry. ''Hot stuff? What's wrong?'' she asked worried about him. He didn't mean to but he yelled at her ''Nothing, just leave me alone!'' He could see that he'd upset her, after all she was only trying to help, but no one could help... He'd finally gotten all he wanted out of life, his baby girl by his side and now Tamara had dropped this bomb on him he knew for sure he was going to lose Penelope. He looked at her and a sudden guilt came across him, ''Baby I'm sorry, I'm not angry at you it's just...'' he sighed again, ''never mind.''

Penelope had a horrible feeling about the way Derek snapped at her, she knew he only got that way after talking to Tamara or a doctor and she knew he was momentarily in perfect health. He began to walk towards her and when he reached her, he pulled her in for the longest, emotional hug she had ever received. ''What's wrong angel fish?'' she asked all scared and concerned. He pulled out of the hug and held her elbows, ''You know no matter what happens I love you right?'' She nodded and replied with ''Of course, I love you too.'' He pressed his lips to her forehead and took a deep breath.

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Another two weeks had passed and Derek had been avoiding Penelope and Tamara for as long as he could, he didn't answer any of Tamara's calls or reply to any messages and he certainly didn't go and see Penelope. He knew that if he did he would have to tell her what Tamara had told him and it would be the end of not only their relationship, but also their friendship too, and he couldn't bear to lose her for good, especially because in the time they didn't talk for a while it almost killed him.

Derek was so determined to prove to not only himself but to anyone else that Tamara was a liar, he was certain that the baby wasn't his, he always used protection with anyone but Penelope, but there was a couple of drunken nights where he didn't remember anything the night before but woke up with Tamara naked besides him, so he couldn't officially rule himself out as the father. But today he was going to face his fears, he begged and prayed that Tamara wasn't really pregnant and was just trying to get his attention, but when she opened the door that wasn't the case.

''Hey'' is all that she said to him, she was glowing with her pregnancy, Derek was heartbroken, he could tell that she must of been at least 5 months pregnant because she was showing, and he knew that around that time they were still together. Derek tried to contain whatever he was feeling and just said ''How far along are you?'' hoping that he was wrong, and that she was showing early ''nearly 6 months Der.'' She replied calmly. She motioned for him to come inside, and he didn't want to but he needed to, so he followed.

He sat on the sofa and she sat across from him, rubbing her growing belly she said ''It's a girl Der, we're going to have a daughter'' he let out air before saying ''Are you sure it's mine I mean I...'' she nodded before he finished his sentence. He sniffed and closed his eyes, ''I can't do this, I'm sorry.'' He said, before pacing out of the front door. Derek was absolutely heartbroken, he was going to have a daughter and there was nothing he could do about it, he knew in his heart that he had to be there for the baby and that it wasn't Tamara's fault but he didn't want to ever lose Penelope.

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Derek walked up to Penelope's front door really wanting to turn away but he couldn't he had to tell her, this was the only way that they could possibly be together, if he told her the truth. ''Derek'' Penelope gasped, he was in such a state she couldn't bear to see him like this, it hurt her so bad. ''What's wrong?'' she placed her hand on his chest, and he lifted it up to kiss it before holding it in his hand. He'd been crying, and it wasn't like Derek to cry, Penelope was worried.

''Come in baby'' she tried to walk away but he pulled her back, ''No, I need to tell you something.'' Another tear trickled down his left cheek and he couldn't even look her in the eyes so he turned his head away, ''Tamara...'' he tried again ''Tamara's pregnant, with my daughter.'' His hands clamped around hers hoping she would comfort him but she did exactly the opposite. The tears burned in the back of her eyes, that woman always got what she wanted and Penelope couldn't stand it, ''get out.'' Is all she said, even though Derek was only in the door way. ''Get out! Get out! Get out!'' she cried hitting him over and over again. ''Baby please, I can explain.'' But before he got a chance he had a door slam in his face.

He stood there for a moment trying to process what had happened, and on the other side of the door Penelope had slumped to the floor crying her eyes out, Derek knocked and tried talking to her but got no response, so he walked away looking back with every other step he took waiting for her to call him back, but it didn't happen. He went back to his apartment and started to go insane, punching the walls and screaming, he'd lost the only person he wanted and it was his fault only.


	6. Two shades lighter

**I couldn't wait to write the next chapter so well, here you go; OC**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

The next two months flew by, Penelope still hadn't talked to Derek except for when they were working a case, but if he tried to change the subject to them she would hang up the phone. She no longer called him 'Derek' it was now 'Agent Morgan' this really broke Derek's heart but he knew that he'd hurt her in one of the worst ways possible. He made it even worse when Tamara hit her 7 months mark, Derek moved in with her just to be there if the baby appeared early and that it did.

Early hours on a Friday morning, Derek and Tamara were in the hospital, Tamara had gone into labour 3 weeks early, Derek had no intentions on sticking around when the baby arrived, although he would try and be part of her life. ''Just keep breathing Tamara'' Tamara began to frantically breathe in and out. ''You're doing really well.'' Derek tried to keep her calm. But the contractions were too much, and just a short couple of hours later Derek was sat on the end of the bed holding 'Ayesha Jade Morgan.' He instantly fell in love with her and promised to always protect her.

''She looks just like her daddy'' cried Tamara. Derek looked at the baby in his arms and couldn't see much of a resemblance, she was dark skinned like him, and had brown eyes and dark hair, but her mother also had these features.

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Penelope was sat at her desk the next morning at the BAU just getting on with life as regular when her phone started to beep, it was a text from Derek, that was odd behaviour, he knew not to text her unless it was case related and he hadn't come into work this morning. She opened the text and it was a picture, under the picture was a caption _'The newest addition of the Morgan family 'Ayesha Jade Morgan' –D x'_ Penelope looked at the picture of the baby and couldn't help but fight the tears that came to her eyes, she looked like Derek, she was going to text back to tell him to stop texting her but realized that he had sent it to all of his contacts and not just her.

Penelope felt completely and utterly devastated and also sick to her stomach and the thought of losing Derek to Tamara and her devil spawn. She couldn't deny that the child was cute, but she hated herself for thinking that.

She didn't know what overcame her but she marched into Hotches' office and demanded a transfer, at least this way she wouldn't be getting surprise visits from Derek and his baby. She knew she couldn't quit because they would send her to prison but that didn't mean she couldn't get a transfer to a new team, or even something that dealt more with less gruesome cases. And after about an hour of arguing with Hotch his answer was ''No, Penelope you're a vital part of this team, we would fall apart without you.'' Penelope demanded him to reconsider ''Hotch, I can work better in another team, or another department but I sure as hell don't want to work here anymore.'' Hotch but his head in his hands, he knew this was Morgan's fault and he didn't want Penelope to suffer. ''Okay, okay, I'll talk to Strauss and see what I can do.'' Penelope smiled ''Thanks Boss man!'' she leaned over and gave him a hug.

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Derek and Tamara had been home with the baby for a week now and Derek was called back to work, his time off had finished and he was needed to work a case. ''Daddy loves you sweetheart'' he whispered holding Ayesha in one arm whilst feeding her a bottle with the other. When she finished her bottle Derek placed her in her crib, ''I'll come by to see her again tomorrow morning'' he told Tamara, ''why don't you just stay here Derek? It's so much easier, you can see her whenever you're home.'' Derek refused to be part of Tamara's life, but he wasn't going to let his daughter suffer for that.

Derek walked into the BAU and everyone congratulated him on the arrival of Ayesha, the team hadn't been around to see the baby because they didn't like Tamara but they were supportive of him. ''She's beautiful'' JJ said whilst Derek was showing them pictures on his phone, no one really had many comments, but they could see something that Derek couldn't, it didn't show in the first picture they received but now that Ayesha was a week old they could all tell that her skin was lighter than Derek's, and they knew if Tamara and Derek had a baby together the skin tone would be the same, but Ayesha's skin was about two tones lighter.

Derek decided that he'd go and see Penelope, he knew in his heart he shouldn't but he didn't care, he wasn't staying with Tamara any longer and he wanted her to know that. He walked quickly to her office and when he opened the door he had the surprise of his life ''who the hell are you?'' Derek asked this greasy man who was drooling all over the place. ''I'm the trial technical analyst, my names Paul.'' Derek looked him up and down ''like hell you are, where's Penelope?'' Paul was frightened of Derek, and nervously said ''Penelope left about three days ago.'' Derek stormed out of the office and straight into Hotches'.

''WHERE'S PENELOPE?'' he demanded answers, ''Morgan sit down.'' Hotch said, pointing to the chair, Derek disobeyed his order, ''Hotch, tell me where the hell my baby girl is!'' Hotch shook his head, ''Morgan, I can't do that, it's all classified Penelope's orders.'' Derek punched Hotches' wall. ''MORGAN CALM DOWN!'' he yelled. ''DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, I LEAVE FOR A WEEK, a week Hotch, and now she's gone.'' He said. ''What was going on with you and Penelope anyway?'' Hotch asked. Derek sighed, ''we were dating for a short while, then Tamara told me about the pregnancy, and it scared Penelope away.'' Hotch was confused, was he the only one who didn't know?

Hotch and the team finally managed to calm Derek down and explain the situation and Derek was heartbroken yet again, he desperately wanted to hold Penelope in his arms again, and he knew now that he never could, she was gone and he had no idea where or if she was ever coming back home to him.

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Derek still upset decided to go and seek comfort in his last resort, his daughter. When he arrived at Tamara's he could hear shouting coming from inside the house, he still had a key from living there as he hadn't officially moved out yet and so he let himself in. When he got inside he could hear even louder raised voices from upstairs, there was a man up there. He walked into the front room and saw Ayesha lying on her play mat on the floor. ''Hey there angel'' he said picking her up carefully, he brought her to his shoulder and cuddled her.

Ayesha became restless and Derek decided to walk her around the house a bit, when he got into the hallway he could hear the shouting still going on and he didn't mean to eavesdrop but he all of a sudden heard ''That baby could be mine and you never even told me she existed until last night!'' Derek tried his best to ignore what he had heard, it was surely a mistake Tamara never cheated on him.

About five minutes later a man barged into the front room, he had deep green eyes and dark brown hair, he didn't even care that Derek was there, he gave Ayesha an evil glare as he left the house. Derek's heart stopped, he looked down at the happy baby in his arms, and for the first time noticed that her eyes had lightened into a deep green colour, and that her hair was brown, all of his doubt came flooding back, he wanted a DNA test and was determined to get it.

When he confronted Tamara about what had happened, she denied it all but in the end she broke, ''YES OKAY, I cheated on you... Derek Morgan, are you happy now?'' Derek could of sworn his heart stopped then and there, until he drew his next breath several moments later, he finally persuaded Tamara to get a DNA test and they had an appointment booked for the next day.

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Derek was pacing backwards and forwards in the clinic whilst Tamara sat on the chair with Ayesha in the car seat fast asleep next to her legs. ''Could you stop that you're giving me a draft.'' She said quite ferociously. ''No, I won't stop, not until I know.'' Derek continued his pacing, clenching his fist as he did so, had he really given up a life with Penelope for a 'possible' daughter?

About half an hour later the doctor called the three of them back through into the office, ''the DNA results have come back from processing and Derek you are...''


	7. The routine

**I hope you enjoy this next chapter;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

_''The DNA results have come back from processing and Derek you are...''_

Derek's heart thumped in his chest, he'd already lost his baby girl, and he couldn't surely lose his actual baby girl could he? Derek waited and waited for what seemed like forever but in reality the doctor hadn't even paused for more than 2 seconds, ''not the baby's father'' Derek's World froze as he took deep breaths, he felt like he had been stabbed in the heart beyond repair, so much that someone could shove their hand right in and take away his heart.

He sat back down on the chair behind him and put both of his hands on his face, ''I understand this is hard for you Mr. Morgan but we do offer counselling sess-'' Derek cried, he didn't even care who saw, but his tears soon turned into blood raged anger, ''NO, You can't possibly know that it's hard! Do you know how much I've lost over this child? I gave up a chance to be in love, for the first time in my life and I gave it all up for HER.'' He groaned and rubbed his face, ''I need some air.''

Derek began walking out of the hospital and was soon followed by Tamara holding Ayesha in her car seat ''Der baby please, I can explain..'' Derek ignored Tamara and carried on walking away, Ayesha began to cry ''Derek, she wants her daddy.'' Derek stopped in his spot and turned around before practically spitting in Tamara's face, ''I am NOT that thing's father, keep it away from me.'' Derek looked at Ayesha, he sighed before walking away leaving Tamara and Ayesha behind.

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For the next year Derek slipped into a daily routine which wasn't like him at all, Derek was known for the life of party and catching bad guys, but now he would get up, go to work, visit the park where he and Penelope would go constantly, rain or shine before going home, cooking a meal and going to bed, he knew this would of pretty much of been his life if Penelope had stayed, so he held onto it to be prepared if she did ever come back.

The entire team knew that Penelope's absence had been the main cause of all Derek's pain, but they knew that Tamara and her baby had played a big deal in it too, Ayesha was just celebrating her first birthday and whenever the team crossed paths with her, they could all clearly see that Derek was definitely not the father, well they knew for sure but they couldn't help to glance and check, she was pretty much white, and had green eyes.

Whenever Derek was down it was always Reid that would console him, he knew how he felt about Penelope and understood how heartbroken he was, although he couldn't actually feel Derek's pain he could clearly see it written all over his face and this had been the worst year of his life.

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Derek just wasn't the same anymore, when he first joined the BAU, he was all about the hunt for gorgeous women to bed, but then Penelope came along and changed something inside of him and now and forever he knew that he only had eyes for her, as he stared into the duck pond, he knew that he had to let her go, she'd never return... if she was going to she would of done it sooner, to this day it had officially been a year since she left.

He looked at his reflection in the pond and tried to picture Penelope next to him, he could feel her hand on his shoulder, and her warm breath on his neck, he closed his eyes and when he opened them he whispered ''Goodbye Penelope'' he sighed but then jumped and fell in the pond when he heard ''that's not a nice way to greet your best friend now is it?'' He coughed and spluttered the filthy water and tried to adjust his vision, when he finally got it back he saw her, he swore that Penelope was standing right there laughing at him. ''PENELOPE? Please oh please tell me this isn't a dream.'' Derek dragged himself out of the water and towards the figure, he wanted to grab her to make sure it was all real but he was soaked so thought it was best that he didn't.

''It's not a dream hot stuff, I'm really here..'' Derek was soaking wet and confused, ''But how? When?..'' Penelope smiled at him as he got closer, ''Reid told me where I could find you at 7pm, he said it was your daily routine, and he also told me th-'' Derek was staring at Penelope's hand, something caught his eye that shouldn't of been there. She noticed and smiled a little at him before looking down, ''you're engaged?'' he asked disappointed, but not letting it show.

''A little bit'' she said nervously, ''his names Duncan, we sort of met a while back and he told me that I have pretty eyes and it all just started from there.'' Derek smiled, ''Congratulations Penelope, you deserve to be happy'' ''Thanks, hot stuff.'' Derek took his shirt off because he was soaked and Penelope turned around, that body, wow them abs, she couldn't contain herself she wanted to reach out and touch him, she'd missed him so much but couldn't exactly tell him, after all he was probably all happy with his new family. ''You do by the way'' Derek smiled, ''I do what?'' Penelope asked confused, ''have pretty eyes'' he was complimenting her and taking his shirt off? No fair!

The two of them walked back to Derek's SUV where he dried off a little, Penelope sat in the back of the boot talking to him as he finished drying, as soon as he'd finished he reached out and pulled Penelope in squeezing the life out of her. ''I've missed you so much baby girl, it's unreal.'' She hugged him back equally as tight and said ''I've missed you too.'' Derek stroked her hair a few times before looking down at her, ''Where's your man anyway?'' Penelope smiled before reaching for her purse, she pulled out a picture and handed it to Derek before saying, ''looking after our son, his names DJ, he's 4 months.'' Derek's heart if it could split into even more pieces leaving him completely shattered.

He kept his cool and said ''He's beautiful Pen, he looks just like you.'' Penelope breathed a sigh of relief; she could have sworn Derek was going to explode. She swallowed her pride to try and say ''Well, I bet your girls beautiful too, like her daddy.'' Derek shook his head, ''don't you know?'' Penelope looked up all confused, ''know what angel fish?'' ''A week after she was born I found out that I'm not her dad.'' Penelope was speechless and also a tad bit upset, she misjudged his loyalty to her, and also she hadn't believed him when he had told her that the baby couldn't have been his.

What really bugged her the most though, is that she was getting married to another man when Derek was completely free.

They both stood there completely wordless for a little while before Derek spoke and said ''It's okay, you didn't know, I didn't expect you to know.'' Penelope pulled him back in for a hug, ''Oh baby, I'm so sorry.'' Penelope held him for as long as she could, thinking about her reason for returning.

_(Penelope had been wrong to judge Derek on his decision for standing by Tamara during the pregnancy, and she knew this the day she found out that she was pregnant, she would of done anything for the baby growing inside of her and she wasn't going to let anything or anyone take that away from her, she loved the unborn child already because it was a life that she had created, and as Penelope thought these things she realized that's how Derek felt when Tamara was pregnant, he wanted to be there for his daughter, so she got on a plane a few months later and here she was, determined to set things right between them to now fully understanding the love a parent has for their child.)_

''Derek?'' Penelope asked, ''yes baby girl?'' Penelope looked up to see Derek staring down at her, ''do you want to come and meet DJ and Duncan?'' Derek sniffed in smelling Penelope's beautiful fruit scented hair, god he'd missed that. ''of course'' he replied as they got into the car and drove away.


	8. Suppressing Feelings

**Guys I am so, so, so sorry I haven't updated, but I've been really ill and well I promise I'll make it up to you at some point;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds or, their characters;**

The drive back to the BAU was quiet, and a little uncomfortable. At first Derek was absolutely overjoyed that Penelope was back in his life, until she dropped the bomb about her engagement and her child, but he was right... the baby did look like her, well except for the darker skin, and the dark hair, but he had her nose, and her lips, and so he couldn't hate the baby even if he tried, because one of the main reasons he loved Penelope, was for how beautiful she was, and if the child looked like her, he knew he'd have some trouble hating it even if it was someone else's baby.

''Derek?'' she asked as he pulled up in the car park. ''Yeah baby girl?'' he said letting out air, and closing his eyes. ''I'm sorry I never believed you.'' Derek snapped his head around and looked directly at her, ''hey now, that's not your fault... I wasn't sure if I believed myself, I mean she was with me during the time she got pregnant, but well... obviously not only me.'' Penelope looked down, and Derek put a finger underneath her chin and lifted her eyes back to his. ''I probably would of done the same thing if you'd told me that you were pregnant.'' Penelope shook he head, ''wait, what thing? Stayed with me or ran away?'' Derek sighed, ''Well, if you were carrying some other mans baby, and I was with you... I would of ran away, just as easily as you did when you found out that Tamara was pregnant, it's scary I guess.'' Penelope nodded, ''But that would of been the stupid thing to do, I mean look at you now, Mama Garcia, and still as hot as ever.'' He winked trying to lighten the mood. She smiled at him and then they proceeded to get out of the car.

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Derek felt sick as soon as he saw the man cradling the baby standing by his friends, 'Duncan', what kind of parent names their child Duncan? Derek didn't even notice the baby itself, he knew it was there but instead he focused on the similarities he and Duncan shared. They were both darker... they were both slim and tall, and wow... they both had woman killer smiles, in fact the only differences were, that Duncan wore glasses, and sweater vests and had a little more hair than Derek, he was like a Penelope, Reid and Derek all in one.

''Hey princess'' Duncan called out handing JJ the baby as he walked over to Penelope, he placed a soft but quick kiss to her lips, and Derek thought that was how you kissed your mom, not your fiancée, as soon as that thought was over, Derek's next train of thoughts began... he wasn't American... he was British. Before Derek could say anything Duncan wrapped his arms around Penelope and began walking with her towards Reid and Emily.

Derek sat down in the nearest chair and tried to gather and process the new information, but before he could come to any sort of sane conclusion, JJ approached him holding Penelope's son in her arms. ''This is Uncle Derek, your mommies best guy friend in the whole wide world.'' She said tilting the baby towards Derek. He didn't look up until JJ, placed the baby in his arms. ''What the hell Jayje.'' He said, not looking at the baby, afraid that it would pain him. ''This is DJ, Penelope's son.'' She said raising her eyebrows at him. Derek could feel the baby becoming restless in his arms, and when he began to cry, his instincts took over and he stood up, looked at the baby, put him over his shoulder and began to rock him.

Penelope looked over and couldn't help but smile at the sight of Derek and her son together, it felt right, the way he cradled him, she could watch it for hours. When the baby finally stopped crying, Derek lowered him down into his arms again and stood there watching him ''Hello there little man''. Derek wouldn't believe that he could fall in love with a baby so fast again since Ayesha, but it happened as soon as he looked at him, he was so soft in his arms, and he looked just like his mommy, what wasn't to love?. Penelope walked over moments later and motioned her arms for DJ, and Derek remembered how he felt when Ayesha got taken away from him. ''Right then mister, we better get you back to the hotel.'' Penelope was a great mom, Derek could already tell, but then her words filled his ears, ''hotel?'' he snapped. ''Yeah Derek, we're staying at a hotel... we're only here for the week.'' Said an unfamiliar, but annoying voice, as he wrapped his arms around Penelope.

Derek stormed out of the BAU, how dare he come into Penelope's life, impregnate her, bring her back and then take her away again!, and how could Penelope do this to him? She knew how much he loved her... or did she? Derek groaned in frustration before hitting the wall countless times until he couldn't feel his hand anymore, when he finished he sighed and slumped down against the wall of the building, before realising his hand was smashed up pretty badly and bleeding.

XXXXX

For the rest of the week, Derek avoided Penelope in whatever way he could, making sure that he didn't correspond with the routine he usually maintained, he didn't want to risk saying something or doing something stupid that could ruin her happiness, and he certainly didn't want to be around that smug British sucker that stole his girl! And so the day came that Penelope was returning to wherever she had came from.

Derek was unsure if he should say goodbye, or let her go without any contact, he tossed and turned for a while in bed, and then decided that he would send her a text instead.

_Penelope, please don't get me wrong, I would of loved to spend every minute of this week with you, but only if I knew that after it had ended, you would still be here, I can't stand to see you with that guy every day knowing he gets to be the one that makes you happy when I screwed up, and that he's the one who's fulfilling your wish of marriage and children, I understand if you don't want to talk to me, I'm an ass I get it, but know this... I love you always. Xx – D_

As soon as he sent the message, Derek's heart stopped, what the hell did he just do?! He tried to keep a distance so he wouldn't ruin her happiness, and then at the last moment he poured out all of his feelings that he had been suppressing, oh god dammit! Derek took the battery out of his phone and placed it in a cup of water next to his bed; he didn't want to see the reply.


	9. Truth be told

**I love all your reviews, and well I'd just like to thank you for even taking your time to read my fan fictions, it means a lot to me;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

Derek couldn't drag himself out of bed that day, he knew he was needed for work but he had a good feeling that if he went there, Penelope would still be saying her goodbyes so instead he phone up Hotch and took the day off, there was no way he could face her now not after being so stupid and texting her how he felt!

Meanwhile Penelope was in the car with DJ and Duncan on the way home, when her phone began to vibrate, she saw that it was from Derek and was unsure whether she wanted to read it or not, I mean he had avoided her all week. .. but deep down she knew she loved him, and she had to do this, so she clicked the text and read: _Penelope, please don't get me wrong, I would of loved to spend every minute of this week with you, but only if I knew that after it had ended, you would still be here, I can't stand to see you with that guy every day knowing he gets to be the one that makes you happy when I screwed up, and that he's the one who's fulfilling your wish of marriage and children, I understand if you don't want to talk to me, I'm an ass I get it, but know this... I love you always. Xx – D_

Penelope began to cry to herself quietly not to get attention from Duncan, and text back saying,_ 'I love you too x –P'_ what broke her heart even more than the fact that she hadn't admitted it to him, or herself when she was in Quantico, was the fact that the message was unable to send, meaning obviously Derek had destroyed his phone in benefit for her happiness.

No matter how hard Penelope tried to fight the tears they just wouldn't stay back, and without taking his eyes off the road, Duncan said 'Are you sure about this Pen? I know you love him.'' Penelope turned to look at him, ''we discussed this when we met Duncan...'' Duncan nodded ''yeah I know, but if you want to change your mind, now's the time to do it; I can find someone else to help me get a visa.'' Penelope sniffed, ''I can do it Duncan, you need work and your family want you back, so I'll help you.'' Penelope smiled, ''I just hate lying to my family that's all.''

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Another month went by and Derek settled back into his normal routine, but this time... it wasn't his daily routine to the park, it was partying hard and bedding whoever he could, anything to make the feelings stop, so mainly hard liquor, and a skinny blonde after work. And during cases, he wouldn't call Paul the technical analyst, because he didn't want to be reminded of what he'd lost.

The team automatically picked up on his change in behaviour, and it was around about the time that they had all received invitations to Penelope's wedding; they knew it broke his heart to know that she was going to become Mrs. Penelope Thomas and there was nothing he could about it but sit back and let it happen.

JJ decided to go and visit Penelope just two weeks before the wedding, she needed a break from the BAU and Hotch had told her that she had time, she needed to use or lose, so she took the opportunity, and brought Will and Henry with her, when they arrived Penelope was all alone in the front garden, baby monitor by her side.

''Oi, where's that fiancée and gorgeous son of yours?'' JJ said, breaking the silence and making Penelope open her eyes. ''AUNT PENELOPE'' shouted Henry as he ran over to her and hugged her, Will was getting the bags out of the car. Penelope had to come up with an excuse for Duncan's sudden absence and said ''we decided that we'd stay apart these few weeks before the wedding.'' Not letting JJ know that they weren't really together, she was just helping him get access to a better life for him and his family. ''And DJ is asleep.''

JJ was quite confused, normally the bride and groom to be couldn't keep their hands off of each other during the build up to the wedding, but obviously not everyone felt that way, nonetheless she made her way over to her friend and gave her a big hug. ''Ooooh I want to see my godson, I can't believe he's almost 6 months old!''

Penelope and JJ made their way into DJ's room as Henry helped Will unpack the car and take everything inside, JJ noticed that there was pictures of Penelope and DJ everywhere, but none of Duncan, she didn't mention it though because her gaze was soon on the sleeping baby, she just stood there looking at him, admiring how adorable he was. ''Wow, he kind of looks like Derek here, how weird is that?'' Penelope just bit her bottom lip and slowly turned to look at JJ.

''No, Penelope, NO... you can't be serious.'' Penelope looked down disappointed in herself, ''I don't know what to say, I guess I wasn't expecting anyone to say that.'' JJ's mouth was open in disbelief, ''does he know? I mean what about Duncan?'' Penelope sighed, ''I'm only marrying Duncan, so he can come and live here.'' JJ looked down at the baby that was no longer sleeping, ''does he know Penelope?'' Penelope went to pick up DJ and began to rock him. ''Penelope?!'' JJ shouted this time...

''No, okay I couldn't... I wouldn't I mean I,'' JJ hit her friend on the arm, ''Penelope! He's going crazy back in Quantico, like majorly crazy, he's back to his old self of partying hard, only this time it's about 10x worse, it's EVERY NIGHT, he feels like he's lost you, and he doesn't know how else to cope... You NEED to tell him'' JJ stressed out, Penelope was lost for words, she had actually managed to fuck up not only her life, but also now her sons, and the love of her life's.


	10. Questions

**So, so, so sorry for not updating sooner, really busy but I'm pushing to get this finished within the next couple of days; The next chapter after this will be the epilogue;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

Back in Quantico, Derek had given up all hope of ever being with Penelope again he had accepted his fate, and decided that he needed to do the right thing by his baby girl and forget about her existence, it was doing him more harm than good, because Derek's remedy to forget consisted of wild nights, and dreadful hangovers waking up on park benches and on the other side of the city with a girl who often looked a hell of a lot like a prostitute come morning time, this was one of those mornings.

Derek woke to the smell of cigarettes and sex, it wasn't a good combination, or good at all. He knew he'd done it again, had meaningless sex with some woman begging for it just to get over his heart ache, he turned to his side to see a naked woman, he didn't even recognise her, but what startled him most was the sound of a crying baby, he got up and dressed and went to explore before leaving quietly. When Derek turned into the living room, he knew his standards had dropped and he had literally just taken any girl that was willing, the house was FILTHY, and there on the floor, laid a baby no older than about 2 months in a pile of garbage. That instilled anger in Derek, he'd loved and lost two children, and he was not about to let this poor child suffer, he ran back into the bedroom slamming the door open and demanded that the slut he had slept with tend to her sons needs.

Derek made sure the woman did just that before he left, he had no idea what had come over him, he made it his job not to get involved in his one night stands personal lives, but this was different now. And as he left the tip of a house, he realised what he'd done, yes Tamara had hurt him, yes she had cheated and told him he was a father, but for once in his life Derek felt a hole in his heart being patched up, he had for a brief amount of time, a daughter... a piece of himself that he could treasure and love and protect, he'd never get that chance again, there was no one else he would want to carry his children other than the one woman he couldn't have, so he did the brave thing and said enough was enough, he was going to have to make amends with a pleading Tamara, and try to reconcile the love that he had for Ayesha when he first saw her, he was... one way or another going to be a father.

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''Penelope, go to Quantico tell him the truth, it's not fair, and if you don't I will.'' JJ protested, ''He won't want to know Jayje, besides we're doing great, just the two of us, and I can't let Duncan down!'' JJ grunted down the phone, ''Penelope I swear to god...'' she was interrupted by Penelope ''Okay, Okay fine, you win have it your way I'll tell him.'' JJ sighed in relief, ''And Pen? Not down the phone... you'll go to Virginia right?'' Penelope sighed a deep breath, ''If I must.'' JJ laughed, ''Oh you must, and now.''

With all of that in order, Penelope had one final stop to make before the airport; she needed to call the wedding off. She couldn't marry a man she didn't love, especially now she was about to tell the man she did love that he was a daddy. Duncan didn't even inflict pain, he was in his own way as relieved as she was, but a tad disappointed, but he was happy for her, she was going to get her family.

Penelope set off for the airport, playing in her mind were JJ's words about Derek's party behaviour, she prepped herself for the worst, but secretly hoped for the best, the one thing that would break her heart more than Derek rejecting her, would be him rejecting their son. Derek was the love em' and leave em' type, not the stick around and be a daddy type, so Penelope's heart was pounding thinking about what his reaction could be.

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''Tamara please, just give me another chance...'' he begged as she tried to slam the door in his face, he didn't want to be there as much as she didn't want him there, but he did want to be a dad and he was determined to be happy and get his act together. ''Derek, you blew it... for months I begged you to take us back, and you wouldn't even acknowledge us, so I'm showing you the same treatment.'' With that the door was in his face, but he wasn't giving up so easily, he'd be back.

He walked away calmly, but god did he smell, he walked straight to his SUV, still not sure how he managed to drive last night halfway across the goddamn city without remembering a thing, but he knew one thing... he needed a shower and fast.

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Penelope's heart beat got faster and faster, so much that she thought that it would beat right out of her chest, she couldn't do this could she? She couldn't possible expect Derek to even care... but yet she was stood right outside of his front door, her hand positioned ready to knock, and without even thinking, she did just that, she let out a breath not realising that she was holding it back, shaking with excitement and fear, stopping only when she looked at the baby in the car seat gurgling away looking up at her, she smiled down at him and froze completely when the door creaked open.

''Derek...'' she said meeting his gaze, he didn't answer, or breathe... he just stood there like a statue, ''I-I... I shouldn't of come, this was a bad idea.'' She said but before she got the chance to even more a muscle Derek's hand was around her arm, she just had time to lower the car seat to the floor before he pulled her in for the best hug of her life, they needed this, they both needed it more than their next breath, he nuzzled into her neck, and she let out a few happy tears without realizing, they were squeezing the daylights out of each other, but it was more than welcome.

He knew God would pull through, he just knew it... although he didn't have much faith in God, this was his one true time to redeem whatever thoughts he had, his baby girl was in his arms again, he closed his eyes and silently sent up a thanks to God, and he had never been more thankful. ''Baby girl'' he managed to say, clenching his fists as he pulled her even closer, only to be stopped when the baby in the car seat became restless.

It was late by now, and the baby was obviously tired, Penelope went to the rental car she had, and pulled out a travel cot and a couple of bags, Derek couldn't help but smile, he knew her intentions were to now stay the night, although... he didn't know how her fiancée would feel about that.

About half an hour later of small talk, Penelope and Derek sat on the sofa just looking at each other, and then all of a sudden Derek somehow looked at her hand, and was absolutely amazed that there was no ring on her finger, the engagement ring was gone, nowhere to be seen, and he wondered if that's why she was here, then he snapped ''Penelope? Did he... did he hurt you?'' he said roughly, reaching for her hands, placing them in his, ''God no, he's so sweet he'd never do that...'' she said holding his hands, ''then... what happened?'' he said looking at her hand, it was clear to her now what he meant, courageously she decided it was time, ''how could I marry another man?...'' she paused in her sentence, catching Derek's full attention, ''when the man I love is right in front of me?'' Derek's heart skipped a beat and he felt sick to his stomach, not the bad kind, but the nervous kind... did she really just? Catching his breath he looked her directly in the eyes, tears welling up in the back of his own. ''Do you really mean that?'' he said clenching her hands now, ''Always.'' She said letting her tears slide down her face, he quickly moved his hand to wipe away the tears ''oh Penelope'' and with that his mouth was clamped on hers, he gradually brought his hands up to cup her face, he could feel her smile into the kiss.

For a whole hour, they made love like never before, caressing each other, with all the passion they could possibly find, showing one another how much they meant, and being thankful that God had brought them back together, although the sofa wasn't the most romantic place in the World, DJ had already taken camp in the master bedroom, and the passion and lust that had been too long forbidden was never going to allow them to move to the spare bedroom.

They lay in each other's arms, naked as the day they were born as their breathing returned to normal, before Derek got up and put his sweats on, Penelope was still dazed from the best love making session she had ever had in her entire life, but was confused as to why he felt like he had to move already ''Derek?'' she said weakly, ''hush baby..'' and with that he was gone into the bedroom, door shut behind him.

A minute or so later Penelope now fully clothed walked into the bedroom to find Derek leaning over the travel cot looking at the sleeping baby, a flash of happiness crawled upon her face and she made her way to his side. He wrapped one arm around her, and then bent down to caress the baby's head 'beautiful' he thought, but then answered himself out loud. ''He really is...'' Penelope looked at him, ''he really is what hotsuff?'' Derek realised that he spoke out loud, and didn't avert his eyes to look at her and just said ''beautiful''. Penelope smiled and sighed, ''just like his daddy'', that caught Derek's attention, in fact it stung like a bitch, Penelope had just told him that she loved him, and made love to him and yet still thought that Duncan was beautiful? Well that hurt, he chose not to ruin the moment and instead sighed...

He looked at her, and she could see the hurt in his eyes... he had no idea, and she was hopefully about to rock his World, he backed away and sat on the edge of the bed, ''I love you Penelope, and I already love Duncan JR, but I sure as hell won't have you calling his daddy beautiful if you're going to be with me.'' He sternly said, Penelope burst out laughing, Derek cocked his head to the side, ''but his daddy is beautiful, very beautiful.'' She argued his heart kept shattering; he was getting mixed emotions here. ''Penelope'' he warned, but was cut off before he could say anything else, ''and his names not Duncan JR'' she shook her head in disbelief, could he really be that blind? This changed his emotions a little; at least he wouldn't have to live with that name in his life. ''Oh, I just assumed you named him after his dad'' She burst out laughing again...

''I did...'' she replied, Derek was more confused than ever, but before he could question her, she burst out with ''that's why he's called Derek JR'' she added smiling the happiest smile she had since he was born. Derek finally caught on, ''Are you... but... what? Penelope?'' he said standing up and looking at the crib, he cupped her face, ''my...my son?'' he said, a tear actually rolling down his face, as she nodded her head he leaned in and kissed her, but pulled away to soon for her liking, ''a-are you sure.. I mean? What about Duncan?'' Penelope sniffled, ''I never... there's been no one since you.'' Derek tensed, Penelope thought for sure he was going to ask her about the engagement, but instead he grabbed her kissing her with passion, and in between kisses, he asked her ''marry me Penelope'' she wasn't sure she heard right at first, but then he pulled back and held her, ''marry me.'' She nodded and they proceeded to make it to the guest bedroom this time before another glorious round of love making.


	11. Epilogue

**So this is the epilogue guys, it's pretty short I know and I probably could of expanded the story, but maybe one day I'll re-do it? I don't know;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

* * *

Derek smiled as he sat down besides Tamara on the park bench, he didn't even look at her he just smiled at the sight in front of him, the children playing on the monkey bars and the swing set, his life had changed for the better in the last four years and he was grateful for every single second that he was blessed with, Tamara looked to her right a few times at the man and then turned to face him when she realized who it was. ''Derek?'' he still didn't look but nodded, ''wow, Ayesha's beautiful, I always knew she would be.'' Derek smiled trying to be friendly; Tamara tried to process his words then the realization hit her, ''Wow, okay please tell me that 1. You're not a pedophile, and 2. You haven't been stalking us to be part of our lives, Derek it's been four years when will you finally accept that-'' Tamara was cut off by a young boy running their way ''DADDY...'' Derek shot up smiling and picked the little boy up bringing him to his shoulder and hugging the life out of him, ''I missed you buddy.'' He then placed kisses on both of his son's cheeks. ''MOMMY, MOMMY... DADDY'S HOME!'' he shouted across the park, Penelope smiled at the sight and slowly began to walk over to them.

Derek turned to Tamara, who was still confused about the situation, ''Actually Tamara, I'm here with my family..'' Derek said smiling at his son and pointing over to Penelope who was quickly approaching holding a young boy no older than one and a half in her arms, Tamara could also clearly see the rather large baby bump and her mouth dropped open and she turned bright red. Derek smiled and turned away lowering his son to the ground and taking his hand as he went to meet Penelope, Tamara turned around and watched as the family came together, Derek kissed the top of his sons head before taking him out of Penelope's arms and holding him in the air before lowering him into his arms and kissing Penelope on the lips, not forgetting of course to bend down and kiss her growing stomach.

Tamara then watched as Penelope took the youngest boy and held Derek's hand, the eldest boy (DJ) then took his father's hand and they walked away together into the sunset, only then did Tamara feel like the biggest fool in the World, all she had wanted out of life was a family exactly like that and when opportunity came along, she screwed it all up, she couldn't help but think it should be her walking into the sunset with their babies and her happy thoughts got interrupted as her 4 and a half year old daughter ran up to her demanding food, and Tamara sighed as she walked away with her daughter, back to her single-parent lifestyle with her bratty child.

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''You're home handsome, I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow?'' Penelope asked happily as they walked along the path, ''I thought I'd let you believe that so I could surprise my family.'' He said gently squeezing his little boy's hand as he looked down at him; his beautiful hazel brown eyes were identical to his own. The second time Penelope had given birth to their youngest son Derek was there to hold her hand, he'd never seen something so beautiful and natural happen at the same time, and the moment he heard that first cry his heart broke, they had created that life, they went on to name him Joshua Aaron Morgan and he looked just like his mom. Penelope was pregnant with their third child now, and it was confirmed that they were having a baby girl this time, they'd already picked out the name Jaylee Penelope Morgan, they were stuck for a while about naming her Haley for Hotch, or Jennifer because JJ brought them back together, and then combined the two together and Jaylee was created.

They arrived back home not half an hour later, and Penelope walked straight into the kitchen to begin making tea, ''not so fast baby girl.'' Derek said coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist before burying his head in the crook of her neck. ''hot stuff, the mini us are hungry, I must make them food.'' Derek moaned into her neck as he began to kiss her, ''I said I wanted to surprise my family... come with me.'' Penelope was confused but she loved when Derek did stuff like this, it always made her heart warmer. ''come on Mrs. Morgan'' he winked, he walked back into the front room and picked up Joshua from his high chair and then proceeded to pick up DJ in his other arm, ''hungry boys?'' Penelope smiled at the sight, ''Open the backdoor curtains baby.'' Derek said to Penelope, she smiled but went along with it and as she opened the double door curtains she was in love with the sight, Derek had put the washing lines together and created a square, where he had hung fairy lights from, below it was a blanket and a picnic basket, the garden was huge and well decorated and Penelope only had her man to thank for that.

''like it princess?'' he asked as he stepped outside lowering the boys to the floor, ''I love it handsome, you never do fail to make me smile.'' Derek kissed Penelope softly and helped her onto the blanket where they all sat and ate together, Derek looked up to the sky when his family wasn't looking and silently whispered his thanks to the god he wasn't sure if he believed in for a long time, for giving him the best thing that had ever happened to him, his loving wife and children.


End file.
